Deerington IC Inbox

[eudaimonikos]

INBOX text / audio / video / action Hello, this is Michael. I can't pick up right now, please leave a message. code credit

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[morningstud]

You should visit Clearwater. Everyone is eccentric in Clearwater.

I do believe that man may have been trying to poison you.

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, no, he was just too stupid to realize.
I'm good friends with his son. They aren't dissimilar.

[morningstud]

Well. that's an improvement over actual malice.

Birds of a feather, I suppose.

[He's so proud of this joke.]

[eudaimonikos]

😂😂😂

They do both mean well.

[morningstud]

What sort of wild shenanigans does your friend get up to?

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, all sorts of things.
Manatee smuggling, several speedboat explosions.
There was the time he and his friend tried to rob a Mexican restaurant by pretending to be Italian safe salesmen, and leaving an airtight safe there with Jason inside.

And once he threw a Molotov cocktail at a crowd of angry demons!
Of course demons aren't flammable, but it's the spirit of the thing.

[morningstud]

That... doesn't sound like a great idea at all.

It sounds dangerous, actually.

[And then of course Michael has to bring up demons with the guy whose username is Morningstar.]

I'm sure they all found it extremely entertaining.
The Lilin would find it hilarious.

[eudaimonikos]

You asked me for wild shenanigans.
None of those involve Jason having a good idea.

[like, what are you looking for here]

The what now?

[morningstud]

Oh, that's what we call demons in my world, their true name. The daughters and sons of Lilith.

My friend Mazikeem is one.

[eudaimonikos]

I KNEW IT

[okay sorry]

I've met her a couple times. She was weirdly invested in how it was a bad idea for me to tell people I'm a demon. [wait has he even mentioned that to this guy yet]

[morningstud]

She has her reasons. She had a friend react very poorly to learning the truth.

[And Lucifer goes and blabs it to a stranger. Uh, good job, Luci.]

I've never even bothered to hide my identity, and people still have the nerve to act like Lucifer Mornginstar is an assumed name!

[Apparently they're both bringing up things they should probably have filtered out today.]

[eudaimonikos]

[Oh. Huh. What's with all these Biblical literalists, it's really weirding him out.]

That would be a strange alias to have.



So, what's your deal? [Mentally, Michael is already sliding into "YOU AREN'T MY BOSS AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK", but maybe he should see if Lucifer is actually devil-ing it up first.]

[morningstud]

Exactly!

Which is why it's quite annoying having people say "no, you're not the Devil" all the time.

Just for the record, this only applies to my world, obviously.
Though you have made some delightful friends I would love to meet.

And every other version of me I've heard of is exactly the sort of person who I detest the most.

[eudaimonikos]

Well, that's good.
There's no version of you in my world, but all the human myths make you sound like a massive dick.

[so...we're on the same page here?]

[morningstud]

[Definitely on the same page.]

Humans are very good at attributing their own evils to others.

Me, I punish evil; that's my job.

[eudaimonikos]

Right.

[We are not exactly on the same page! But that's...a difference Michael can live with, he supposes. He doesn't believe in eternal punishment of any kind, but if some evil human around here tries to hurt people, he's not gonna not fight them.]

I'm Michael.
Unrelated to the archangel, who is also not real where I'm from.

[Except by like, a few levels of irony he can pretty clearly see now.]

[morningstud]

A pleasure.

[Lucifer could talk more about how Hell works, but... eh.
That's actually remarkably depressing and not something he wants to get into details about.]

Ha!
I haven't heard from him in millennia, but should I remember this whole thing upon waking up and I for whatever find myself in the Silver City, I will tell him.

[eudaimonikos]

What does he do, anyway?
People keep asking me if I'm him.

[Mostly because he looks sort of angelic, he guesses, and sometimes drops the part about running Heaven before the part about being a demon.]

[morningstud]

[We don't get any indication of what most of the angels actually do, so for the sake of hilarity I'm going to say that it's one of the most bureaucratic jobs imaginable.

There's so much paperwork, Michael. Paperwork in Heaven! And the "army" is entirely symbolic!]

I know the Bible talks of him being the leader of God's army, but the funny thing about being an officer is that it's a desk job. You don't do any of the battling yourself.

[eudaimonikos]

I've never read the Bible.

[You can't hear it, but his tone is very "why the fuck would I do that".]

Shit. I might actually sort of BE that guy. [why didn't he just name himself Jeff or something]

[morningstud]

That's fine. It isn't very accurate, anyway. It was written by humans.

[But as for Michael's reaction...]

That's... unfortunate.

[eudaimonikos]

No, it's fine. Heaven's previous management was completely incompetent.



Not that there's an army or anything. Nobody has armies. [in the afterlife, that is]

[morningstud]

Somehow that's not surprising if your version of the afterlife is as bureaucratic as you made it sound.

It's really more metaphor than any real battle. Revelations is pure fantasy, nothing more.

[eudaimonikos]

It's completely bureaucratic.

[And most people are either incompetent or careless, in his opinion.]

Isn't that the one about the acid trip?

[morningstud]

It is.

I'll hand it to the author, she managed to get people to take it seriously for two thousand years.