Deer Country IC Inbox

[eudaimonikos]

INBOX text / audio / video / action Hello, this is Michael. I can't pick up right now, please leave a message. code credit

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[eudaimonikos]

It's mostly a mental thing. That makes it hard to catch on yourself.

[Though he does try and look for his own physical symptoms, too.]

[entreats]

I thought I'd be able to realise it in time if I suddenly started thinking outrageous things though.

Guess I was wrong about that.

[ Because even when people - including Michael himself! - told her different back then, she still couldn't see how anything she was thinking was wrong in the slightest, finding ways to justify it somehow.

She can only see it for what it is now. ]

[eudaimonikos]

Gotta be on yourself all the time, I guess. Self-reflecting or whatever.
Though that seems like it could be a painful way to live.

[entreats]

[ She won't argue with him on that last one. It's not like it's always been easy to be so self-aware in the first place, and then it failed her when she most needed it anyway. ]

Then what do we do?

Just accept the risk that any of us could turn into giant monsters at any point?

[ No offense towards your true form, Michael. She doesn't think that's a monster, okay, hence why she's putting it like this in the first place. ]

[eudaimonikos]

I think it's still worth it to try and check yourself. I've been doing that for ages. Not just because of this.

[You know. Torture demon stuff.]

But we probably have to keep an eye on each other either.
I'm not sure there is a perfect system. Sometimes people just explode straight into beasts out of nowhere.

[entreats]

It just sucks.

[ It's more pessimistic than Ange has been in a while, but-- well, can you really blame her, when she was just confronted with the worst possible scenario? When she still can't really move past it, get over it? ]

I'll make sure to be more careful though. I don't know if it'll help.

I just don't want to do that to anyone again. I don't want to do it to you again either.

[eudaimonikos]

It's fine.

It wasn't fun, but I'm really not the one who got the worst of any of that.

[Michael's never been one to hold grudges long. Now that she's apologized, he'll get over it.]

[entreats]

Even if it was just an annoyance, I'd still want to keep you from having to repeat that.

[ And it might have been more than that. Ange doesn't have a clue about Michael's feelings, but she's dealt with friends while they were corrupted - or worst, an outright Beast - before.

'It wasn't fun' is a good summary of her own experience. ]

Tell me if you ever see just a slight possible sign of it on me. I'm going to see someone for it right away next time.

[ So she can hopefully catch it before it horribly spirals out of control again. That's the plan.

It's the only thing she can do, right? ]

[eudaimonikos]

["Well, let's not be overzealous."

He deletes it without sending. Michael's not sure how Ange feels. He doesn't want her to think that was all just nothing to him...but it seems worse, he decides, to guilt her more.]

Yeah, of course.
Mine is...well, it's happened a couple different ways for me, which is very irritating.
But if I get really weird and energetic, or all reclusive, probably a bad sign.

[entreats]

Can it really behave in such opposite ways for you?

[ Not that she's doubting Michael's word - not during such an important conversation, anyway.

It's just a little surprising, and more than that just plain concerning. It's one thing to look out for one type of behaviour, but it seems like it can truly just manifest as anything as long as it's out of the norm, huh. ]

[eudaimonikos]

I guess?
The only time I turned into a beast was when I shut myself in my house and didn't talk to anyone for like two weeks.
The mania, I just grew horns, and then eventually I chilled out.

[The beast form didn't even have horns, so ???]